So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize