So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
