Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
