Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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