Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize