And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
