he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
