last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
