then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize