my mouth tastes like poor choices
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
