It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
