What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
