her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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