I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
