You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
