is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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