i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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