Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
