Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
