yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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