Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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