We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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