Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
