So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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