you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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