Duck Duck Cougar?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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