Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
