i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
