I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
