and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
