omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize