I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
