Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
