I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
