So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
