I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
