Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
