I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think people are normalizing furries
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
