2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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