also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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