I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
