if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
