So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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