Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
