and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
