i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
