My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
