the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize