I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
