I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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