girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
