And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
