If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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