the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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