If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
