i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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