I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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