He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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