ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Randomize