she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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