Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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