ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your penis caused this!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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