You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
