just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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