I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
are you so shy because you have an std?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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