now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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