I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no you cant smoke seaweed
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
